Taking your personal security seriously and breaking off any relationships that threaten to become dangerous is very important for anyone considering a BDSM lifestyle. This is especially crucial for a submissive person, who is by definition exposed to some risks. However, it’s entirely possible to stay safe while engaging in very extreme BDSM practices if you do it with the right partner.
Paying attention to early clues that someone might behave unpredictably when the time comes for sex is the way to stay protected and enjoy every experience. Here are the explanations of some common red flags that can give you an early warning of possible trouble with a potential partner:
Overly possessive behavior
Yes, dominant partners frequently exert a degree of ownership over their slaves, but this must always be playful and considerate. There is a fine line here that shouldn’t be crossed, as toxic jealousy and obsessive need to control someone’s every move have no place in BDSM dating.
People who act this way from the moment they meet someone tend to assume they have a right to determine every little detail in someone’s daily routine. That’s definitely too much, and no matter how submissive or passive sexually a person might be, there is no reason to allow this type of mistreatment.
Taking dominance out of the sexual context
It’s very important to remember that BDSM is basically just a kinky sex game, and it doesn’t imply any lasting power structure between the pair in real life. It’s not rare at all for the submissive partner to be more successful or socially connected but to enjoy pain in the sheets.
A person trying to generalize the power relationship is misunderstanding the point of such an alliance, and this should be easy to notice from the start. Any demeaning comments or attempts to undermine the partner’s confidence are big red flags if they are used outside of the agreed erotic context.
Ignoring safewords and pleas to stop
There is a good reason why safewords are standard in BDSM dating, and you want no business with a person that doesn’t respect them. Ignoring an honest plea to stop inflicting pain is a sure sign that a person doesn’t deserve to dominate anybody.
The first time this happens, it’s necessary to have a serious conversation about staying within the boundaries of mutual consent. You don’t really want to progress to more demanding and/or riskier forms of BDSM play with a person unable to remember the safe word and control his or her urges. This may, in fact, be the most important red flag that should never be taken lightly.
Isolating a person from others
Another thing that should alert you to possible harm is an attempt to block your social relationships and effectively trap you in a strictly controlled environment. Some submissive people like to feel a direct bond with their masters and ask them for permission to go out with others, but that’s different than being cut off from your friends.
Keep a watchful eye on any signs that your partner is trying to break off any remaining links with the outside world, and don’t let this happen, even if you have to terminate the relationship to avoid it. If things spiral out of control, it might become extremely difficult to escape from such a trap later.
Using psychologically damaging mechanisms
There are numerous mechanisms that aim to undermine a person’s confidence, from gaslighting to constant belittling. Some of those psychological weapons are very sophisticated and can be difficult to detect at first, especially in a BDSM dating relationship.
Drawing a clear line between consensual humiliation and unwanted pressure is something that each submissive person must do to stay away from abusive and exploitative people who might see her as vulnerable.
Sometimes, this is easier to spot instinctively, so if you start noticing an awkward feeling that doesn’t give you any pleasure, you might want to question your partner’s intentions. On a positive note, mechanisms of this kind are typically slow-developing, so you have enough time to distance yourself from such a person if you see an abusive pattern of action being repeated.