BDSM dating is not for everyone, but it can change your life for good if you are ready. The BDSM lifestyle involves erotic sexual practices. You will be using bondage, dominance, discipline, and submission with your partner. Online dating sites have definitely helped simplify finding new partners and interact with each other, but there is always a need to attend social events to make it more exciting.
This way, you can share experiences, connect with others on a more intimate level, and engage in some “power play.” But, you need to learn BDSM etiquette or BDSM rules when becoming part of any BDSM gathering or a “Play Party.”
For starters, you need to remember that even if you are entering a new world full of kinky people, you should not kick your basic courtesies and manners out of the window. It is natural to feel confused when you are a newbie because learning how to interact with others who use titles like slave or switch or Dominant or Master.
You would not want to insult someone or look dumb because of your ignorance. However, you can simplify it by sticking with all the courtesies and manners that were schooled in you.
The manners you have learned as a child will apply to any situation. Even when attending a BDSM party, do not interrupt someone for no apparent reason. Be as polite as you can and always ask for permission before doing anything. Ideally, you should always treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.
However, you may want to consider the dynamic and the way an event or party is structured. You do not need to worry about anything if it is just a meet and greet event. Nevertheless, it is always appreciated to go beyond the usual courtesies, but do not push yourself too hard and, in the end, become something you are not.
Similarly, you may want to consider the rules regarding hugging and handshaking, as there may be some variations from area to area. In some areas, people prefer giving a hug instead of giving a handshake. But, do not jump to conclusions too quickly because some events do not frown upon giving hugs, but the exchange usually happens between people who already know each other. If you feel uncomfortable hugging people, be polite and put out your hand first for a warm handshake.
That being said, you also need to pay attention to the event you are attending because sometimes organizers impose their unique “house rules” for all the guests. Following them is important because they could be more than “commonsense” protocols usually applied to any party. For instance:
- Never take the liberty to touch anyone else’s toys without asking for their permission first.
- Be sure to stick to the dress code. You may be required to come dressed up in leather garments, or you have to change into “fetish wear” after your arrival. Be prepared for that.
- Be sure to talk to others and be clear about your role in any scene. You should politely negotiate if you are not comfortable about anything and make the next move.
- Always pay attention to your safety and ensure that whatever power play you try is safe and consensual. Similarly, knowing about designated safe words is one of many unsaid BDSM rules to keep in mind.
- Do not automatically assume that anyone who greets you warmly is single or available. Politely ask about their status before jumping to any conclusion.
- Always proceed slowly when you are new to the BDSM scene and never try to interrupt anyone else’s scene.
- Know about BDSM rules regarding nudity. In most cases, you will be allowed to perform acts of play only in designated areas.
- Be sure to ask if you are allowed to take pictures of the event. Some organizers would not allow it. The same holds for the use of drugs and carrying guns, etc. You may not be allowed to smoke – look for designated areas if you really want to smoke.
- Under no circumstances should you be opening any closed doors. You should respect people’s privacy and know that if they are closed, they are likely to be off-limits.
Keep in mind that though you need to follow BDSM rules, no two parties are going to be the same. There will be designated areas for socializing as well as for “play.” Restrict yourself to those areas and respect the “dungeon master” or “dungeon monitor” to stay safe and enjoy your time.