BDSM dating can frequently get pretty rough, to the point where one partner feels physically and psychologically exhausted after submitting to the wishes of the other. It is crucial for the dominant partner to be aware of this and to offer unambiguous support, helping with any lingering pain and providing psychological care for the wellbeing of the submissive.
This stage is called ‘aftercare,’ and it can consist of many different activities, all of which aimed to remove any remaining discomfort after the kink play ends. This concept is extremely important for BDSM couples and represents a counterweight to sometimes extreme or downright bizarre treatment that is a part of their relationship.
That’s why anyone who wants to learn about BDSM dating and become adept at engaging in this type of sex must first become familiar with the basic tenets of aftercare. Without it, sex of this kind can be unpleasant and could even lead to chronic injury or psychological trauma if proper measures are not applied immediately.
How to apply physical aftercare?
While it’s true that aftercare includes both a physical and psychological component, the former type requires a bit more preparation and skill. The point of physical aftercare is to immediately remedy any impact of violent blows or painful use of sex toys, and it needs to be rendered right after the sex session calms down.
Gently removing the rope or putting ice on bruises are good examples of this practice, but the exact list of things that have to be done depends on the kind of BDSM dating the pair engaged in. It’s a good idea to ask the submissive partner about any pain or physical displeasure and try to work on body parts that are still sore. This takes a bit of strategic thinking – it’s definitely wise to have some ready ice in the fridge and some moisturizing lotion next to the bed.
Aftercare should always be applied very carefully in order not to make the injuries worse but also in order to show the partner that the concern is real. Of course, only minor bruises or nicks can be treated in this way – if any serious injuries occur during the intercourse, professional medical attention must be sought immediately.
Is BDSM aftercare important for beginners?
Aftercare is indispensable for all hardcore BDSM practices involving a physical component and usually last until a safeword is pronounced. However, while beginners rarely dare to try such things and consequently might not have any injuries to nurses, they should still be aware of this concept and start using at least psychological aftercare even in mild BDSM encounters.
This is a crucial part of adopting a BDSM lifestyle, especially for a person who acts most of the time dominantly. It could be argued that BDSM with no aftercare is just mindless violence, so young enthusiasts need to learn early that every blow must eventually be followed by a tender kiss.
Understanding the responsibility towards the submissive and the sense of fair play in the relationship is the key to becoming a well-rounded dominant partner and playing this role well.
How to start practicing aftercare?
Once your sex games start getting extreme and leaving marks on another person’s body, you definitely need to start acting in a caring manner as soon as the game ends. The best way to learn what’s appropriate is to follow your partner’s reactions very closely, and you will be able to recognize the moments when he is in need of emotional support or physical relief.
At first, it may be difficult to switch between a strict taskmaster image and a tender touch needed for the aftercare, but learning how to control your passions is central to the BDSM lifestyle and is expected on this scene. Based on the feedback you get, you can eventually start practicing specific techniques for alleviating pain and giving the partner additional mental strength.
Beginners are rarely good in this, and you will need to gradually improve your aftercare skills until you can maintain the partner’s spirits and take care of any physical consequences of roughness with a minimum of effort.